Top 10 Best Racks in Video Games

So I’ve been thinking about this for sometime and I think this needs to be done. Yeah, I’ve done posts about women in gaming (wait, no I haven’t but I’ll promise to do one that’s a really good piece I swear) and hanging out at 8-Bit and Up I’ve seen and played  ton of video games, there’s been one thing that’s been consistent is the wildly varying builds of women in games. There are some that follow the bigger is better school of thought while others follow less is more. What I’m about to list is the top 10 racks I have ever seen in games. This post was kind of tough due to the heavy presence of Rule 34 in my searches. I managed to stay focused enough and powered on through.  This list will take into account also the attractiveness of said owner. Why that is included because there are some games where the character model in question looks like butt but their boobs are outstanding .*cough* Vampire The Masquerade*cough*

 

10) So what does the 10th best set of boobs look like?  Very pixelated, the number 10 spot belongs to Revenge (surprised she had a name huh) from the game Custer’s Revenge (also with such great titles as Westward Ho and The White Man Came, I wish I was making this up. Too good).

So what if this game was rated as one of the worst games of all time, looking at that box art how could you not want to risk life and limb for a piece of that? Not only was this lady stacked she had some serious junk in the trunk making her a double threat. Sadly her hair style and face are very questionable but she’s probably hotter what was on the plains at the time which isn’t saying too much. I’m fairly certain that this was fap material for those poor bastards back in the 80′s, simpler times indeed.

 

This game did spawn some knock offs and if you’re bored it’s worth a Google for some quick lulz. You could do the same for the original as well.

 

9) I think she was probably one of the hottest villains of all times and totally underrated. I’m talking about the Dark Queen from Battletoads. Not to many people got to see her due to the fact the game was tough as all hell and the TV pilot was good for gamers but not good enough as a cartoon to stand on it’s own. But once you see her in her 16-bit glory you’ll agree with her position (giggity).

When she first appeared in the first game, people questioned my taste in women (they usually do that anyway). However I stuck with my guns and kept preaching about the hotness of this virtual vixen. Sadly either due to the fact my memory is completely out of whack or just general apathy for most of the games released in the 90′s (I knew what I liked) I cannot recall that many from the cartridge era.

 

 

At number 8 is a tie between two characters from the Metal Gear series. The are Eva and Sniper Wolf. They are probably the only girls on this list with a ‘human’ proportion to them. The are both blondes, go figure, and both seem to have a penchant for wearing jumpsuits that reveal their life-affirming jumblies. Eva is from the Cold War era, she *Spoiler Alert* puts those things away when she surfaces again in the final game Metal Gear Solid 4 Guns of the Patriots, which I think  was an awesome choice because I kind of don’t want to see 78 year old boobs ever .

Sniper Wolf is similar in design. Almost to the point where I think they just said “Screw it we’ll use her design again at some point in the series”. Did they get a bit lazy between the Metal Gear Solid installments? Maybe, but what I do know is Sniper Wolf’s accent exposed me to the idea of the ‘cold’  Iraqi chick being extremely hot even though she sounded a little bit Eastern European. Just like Eva she has pretty normal proportions and she’s just as certain hotness about her. Maybe it’s me but jumpsuits make average boobs look that much better.

 

 

 

7). At number 7, Ivy must be suffering from the same disease Power Girl does. Every game her boobs seem to get bigger and bigger. Ivy making making this list over anyone else from the Soul Caliber/Edge/Blade is a feat. She has some serious competition in the ninja girl Taki and the milf of ages Sophitia. Just how she can fight with those things and be agile is beyond me but we gotta take our hats off to Namco for getting this lady to the masses.

 

 

6) Dr. Naomi from No More Heroes sit at number 6. Ironically that was the same number as my favorite boss in the first game Holly Summers. Now the good Dr. went through some we’ll say drastic changes from the first game. She had her own character model so she wasn’t like an animated vendor. If they did not change her character design she would not have made this list at all.

In the sequel they improved the graphics of the game all around and many of the similar characters looked totally different. Shinobu, Sylvia and even Travis himself. The biggest winner of  the overhaul was Naomi by a landslide. I was startled the first time I went to her lab and every other time after I felt a little bit guilty because I wasn’t fully paying attention to her option menu or her eyes for that matter.

 

5) Number 5 is very simple. Pretty much any women Team Ninja have used in their games, for example the cast of Dead or Alive (and all of its subsequent games) and Rachel from Ninja Gaiden. For some reason they felt it necessary for them to work on boob physics in a game. One of the hilarious features they had was age based jiggling, the lowest number jiggled a little bit while at the highest jiggled uncontrollably for just a few simple steps. And their character designs don’t seem very practical on ninjas but we love Team Ninja anyway for changing the boob game, smart.

 

 

4) This is going to garner some hate but at number 4 is Mai Shiranui from the SNK fighting game series King of Fighters and Fatal Fury. She’s the traditional ninja girl with not much on but wow, she’s a bit bouncy. Running an image search on her provides some interesting results. However she’s probably one the most recognizable big breasted characters out there.

While she wears not much the character actually has a pretty wholesome heart and she’s really in love with another character within the same game (Andy ‘omgimsooboring’ Bogard). She’ probably been drawn a million times and fapped to more. She’s definitely one of those characters you remember seeing long after you stopped playing the game.

 

3) This spot is a tough call between Tifa Lockheart from Final Fantasy 7 and Lulu from Final Fantasy 10 but I think Tifa wins out. If  I could describe Tifa in 3 words they would be boobs, suspenders and boxing gloves. The graphics for her in 7 were not impressive at all her little model looking very blocky but her cut scenes revealed more and Advent Children (sort of a supplementary movie after the events of the game) confirms that she is indeed packing. It was tough finding non-artist renditions of her in her Final Fantasy 7 glory but I’ve included a picture of her toy that was released.

Yes it’s a toy but it’s the most accurate and close to the original I can find that does it justice. Her costume has  been replicated by many fans (women and ugh, men included) while they get the looks down (in some cases) they just can’t get the right physical portions because of things like gravity and genetics. Drats.

 

 

 

2)  The number 2 spot is held by none other than Ms. Morigan Aensland from the DarkStalkers (Vampire Savior) series. She’s always been one of the hottest character designs Capcom came up with, one of the reasons is that she’s a succubus and she’s made for that purpose. The other reason her boobs have been consistently awesome in whatever game she has been in.

Morigan has received a bit of an update because she’s now in the soon to be outdated Marvel Vs Capcom 3 and she also appears in the newer version (until the next update) Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3. As compared to the other characters in the game her rack has it’s own class. Which is saying a lot because C.Viper has some pretty high tier milf  jugs herself.

 

1)  Sitting on the top of this list is none other than the legend herself , Lara Croft, of Tomb Raider fame. I think we all remember opening the first Tomb Raider up and stair at her polygonal goodies for hours on end. The rest of the games on Playstation provided a ton of fan service. Before the Hot Coffee mod, people were trying to get the clothes of this girl. Her various grunts, moans and suggestive dialogue have been made into songs (look hard enough, if you still need help hit me up on Twitter). Here’s a little then and now:

 

She has become so iconic that Angelina Jolie played in noble attempts at making a good video game movie. Of course over the years they’ve toned her down from those impossible curves she had in the previous games to something a bit more sensible. She still looks amazing

 

However at most of us will remember her in this way.

 

At least I know I will.

 

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