Childhood Vendetta- Spiderman and X-men: Arcade’s Revenge

Ever had a game that you could not finish as a youngster? I have; my childhood was littered with them. I think part of it was my utter lack of skill another part I am sure of is horrid game design. Since we are in the summer and there aren’t many great titles coming out, I feel that now will be the perfect time to try and tackle these games and do it for my pride perhaps at the cost of what’s left of my sanity.

Unlike my Metroid experience I was well acquainted with this game. As it was my own personal demon for such a long time. I couldn’t beat more than four stages. Both of the stages belonging to Storm, one of Wolverine and the other of Spider-Man. This game was hard. The game was cheap and the controls didn’t always work with you. Ah the Golden Age when games just came out. I don’t think the developers could beat their own games back then. On the plus side the music was amazing. It had the perfect blend of rock and pure funk. My favorite two tracks were the opening and Gambit’s stage.

The game itself is still cheap as ever. I breezed through Spider-Man’s first level only to die gratuitously in ever other level after that. I don’t know if it is the combination of the heat or lack of sleep but I swear this game is out to get me. The Genesis version had some key differences like to pop Wolvie’s claws you had to press up then A button, Spidey had his spider-sense buzzing removed from the game which makes the first level even more annoying than before. The songs from the game also sound a bit different from what I remember and the colors are a bit off as well. I can’t help but think Gambit in this game looks like Brendan Fraser

I figured after the first set of deaths I should come back to this game after I eat and I rest my noggin to deal with the cheap platforming and enemy placement with the high damage that everything in this game does. These are the goddamned X-men why are they taking soo much damage from Arcade’s minions. My biggest question is why storm doesn’t just pull herself out of the water when there’s a ledge that is low enough and the water isn’t yet that high? Is her claustrophobia keeping her from doing that? There’s an awful lot of room to move around and not very claustrophobic. Another question is that since Spidey found the room with the X-men why can’t he just free them and then they tear shit up in Arcade’s base. Literally he can free Wolverine who can cut out Cyclops who can shoot his optic blasts to break out Gambit who can pick the locks holding Storm. I just don’t know what the hell Spidey was thinking.

The game itself suffers from some questionable controls, bad hit detection and poor platforming. Sometimes with Cyclops I just want to crouch and shoot my lasers but instead he looks down at the floor dejectedly fires his eye beams half halfheartedly while getting shot in the face by Genosha soldiers or my favorite is when Spidey refuses to cling to the very wall that will save his life. Why can’t Spider-Man cling ceilings, he can only go up and down on walls. Is the ceiling covered in some sort of anti stick surface? One of his levels has the walls covered in foam at some parts but I am 99% percent sure spiders can stick to foam. If not could some foam owner could become a foam baron making anti-insect insulation for homes to deal with pests.

Sometimes I don’t understand the mindset of super villains - if you were able to capture the X-men why wouldn’t you kill them flat out because you know once they get loose you’re screwed, especially if Wolverine goes berserk? I guess Arcade must get off on the danger of the situation for him. After playing this game for a day I wonder why I thought this would even be a good idea. This game is so frustrating and cheap without save states. The things I do for Chocolate Lemon. Did I beat this game? Hell no I didn’t beat it. I need to train up for EVO, post tourney I may give this another go but for right now I’m trying not to throw my controller through the screen.

What are the games that tormented your childhood? I’d love to hear about them and try them out myself.