365//365: Day 210 – The Uncanny X-Men (NES) [PP]

There are some games that make even Shaq Fu look like a Hideo Kojima masterpiece. X-Men on the NES is one of them. It defies all the laws of logic, comprehension and conventional means of intelligence in the human race as a whole. The graphics style clashes with its self throughout the game, mixing some undefinable obstructions into a screen full of clashing colors and puny characters. The struggle is more reliant upon trying to figure out how to achieve any sort of forward progress, rather than how to get to the next screen. Unless you pick an X-Men with a flying or teleportation ability, you may as well not bother playing, and heaven forbid if you pick a flight character and select a partner that’s ground based. Actually, heaven forbid you play this game without a friend, or you’ll have to put up with a fidgety CPU AI that manages to be worse than Sheva in Resident Evil 5. They’ll spend more time getting stuck in the scenery, attacking in all four directions, placing zero effort in getting themselves out of a corner. The audio is as painful as it gets, providing you ample reason to press the mute button on your remote. With anything and everything coming after you like a homing missile, the difficulty is up there, more so thanks to your all but useless AI partner holding you back, or just not even trying and dying right in front of you. It’s amazing how absurdly broken X-Men on the NES is, with nothing redeemable about it, other than the fact that it’s still a better game than The Crow: City of Angels, but not by much.

What am I supposed to say about this? What can I possibly conjure up in this caption that isn't readily explained by this visual molestation?

Rating: 0.0