365//365: Day 085 – Whomp ‘Em (NES)

There was this “game show” back when I was 10 or 11, where kids competed against each other in video games. The winner would don a Velcro body suit, run through a two story mock-up video game store, and stick the games on their body and go down a slide with as many games as they could before time runs out. Every single one of those kids had Whomp’Em as a game they came away with. Why? I never understood why everyone had that game on them, when Nintendo Power never made a big deal out of it. So recently, I decided to give it a shot.

Whomp’Em proved to me how stupid we were as kids.

The first thing you notice is the annoying music. It’s one of those ear bleeding, scrambled garbage compositions that a lot of NES titles passed as music. The graphics are bright and colorful with an adequate amounts of animation. In fact, it really doesn’t look too bad for an NES title.

Your weapon pretty much sucks throughout the game....

The rest of the game is a huge mess. While the controls are decent enough, trying to actually hit a moving enemy is like walking outside when its 120 degrees out and trying to actually punch the sun. After trying for so long, you feel like you actually hit the thing, but in actuality, you’re just frying your brain. You have a spear that you thrust forward in a slow manner, with zero range, and an annoying delay to it. You can up thrust and down thrust a la Zelda 2: The Adventures of Link, but with some really lackluster hit detection. You can down thrust directly on top of an enemy, and you still get hit. Same goes with up thrusting. You can actually get a extension to your spear, but with how delayed and slow it is before you hit its maximum extension, and the speed of the enemies, you’re screwed.

On the subject of hit detection, it’s pretty busted when it comes to you getting hit as well. Some projectiles get deflected by your spear, whether it be above or in front of you, but sometimes, it doesn’t get deflected. Same exact spot and the same exact projectile does not get deflected. You only have one life, and if you die, you can continue, but all the way from the beginning of the stage.

....even after getting power ups to extend its range.

Whomp’Em is a predominately broken NES game. It looks nice enough, but it sounds appalling and plays pathetically. I want to go back in time and roundhouse kick every kid that won that game. Come to think of it, that might have been the only way they were able to move these games — give them away for free on a “game show”. (Bonus points if you can help me remember the name of this show….it was shown in the late 80′s/early 90′s on either WPIX 11 or WWOR TV channel 9, both channels on Time Warner Cable/Paragon Cable in New York City)

Rating: 2.5