Brave: A Warrior’s Tale is a game developed by some bros over at SouthPeak Interactive. SouthPeak Chairman Terry Phillips claims that his company is “one of the fastest growing video game publishers”. What they should have said was “We just make decent money off ‘My Baby’ for the DS.” Let’s see what delicious titles they have put out for the 360… oh, Velvet Assassin, X-Blades, Raven Squad; I think that about sums up everything up. If those games were made by the studio members in their cushy cubicles, then Brave must have been made by the guy with the office in the storage closet.

What… I don’t even… I think there’s a head, body and limbs somewhere in that mess.

First of all, they decided to gear this game toward children. There is actually a long line of frustrating games aimed at kids, ruining the opinions of young future gamers. You can be sure you’ll hear about them in the future. Anyway, the graphics look like they were ported not from the PS2, but maybe even the original Playstation. The controls are so terrible that I got myself stuck in the environment 3 times within the 1st level, including jumping through a wall, getting my camera stuck, and having to restart. Your character will constantly have trouble interacting with the environment because the level designs are so bad. There are no brightness options, so even if you do get use to the controls, you probably wont be able to see what you’re doing. As far as story… well, it will just try to teach your kids that Indians were little midgets named Juju Courage that talked to animals and sometimes slaughtered them. If you’re looking for replayability, you can try to find all the totems which are located in inconspicuous areas.

So, there you have it: a glitchy, bad game, with terrible models, low textures, that brings nothing new to the table. It has no target audience because it will be either too frustrating or too boring for whoever picks it up. Don’t believe the other reviewers who try to candy coat the truth, you’ve heard it here first. Next time SouthPeak makes a game, let’s hope it’s not aimed at kids.  Maybe it has kids in it, or has characters that look like they would eat a kid, or maybe the best option… they just won’t make one at all.

Complex polygons, riveting dialog, amazing voice acting!